I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
