My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize