But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
