If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
