this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
