Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
