if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
That's intense
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
