so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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