hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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