he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
