I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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