I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize