End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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