was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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