a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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