I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
