You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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