You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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