I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize