If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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