I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
