I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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