I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Found the puke drawer
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
50% drunk capacity currently
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
