He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
