Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize