Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is the high leading the old right now
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
