This house was built for laser tag.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
