I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
