I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My vagina just recognized that song.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
