I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
