I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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