she was so not down for the gang bang
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
