Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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