My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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