So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
