I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize