Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
