Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
