yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
