You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
