He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
