Life is so much better after having sex.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
