Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
