Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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