So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
