Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
