maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize