We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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