Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
