Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
