It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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