everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
false alarm, still single
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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