My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
my shit smells like andre
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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