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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
