8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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