so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
