So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
