I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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