Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
