Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize