some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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