I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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