What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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