I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
