i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
