I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize