Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
