dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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