I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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