I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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