I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
