do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
