imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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