his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
