I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
