I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
its liver damage thursday
Randomize