already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
