My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
