he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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