This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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