whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Randomize
