I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize