why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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