I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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