oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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