i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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