I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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