doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
