Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
