i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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